Aont is a vertical name from the tablet of union. She is of water. We called her using the 1st, 2nd and 4th calls. She has a light touch.
My Gal and I were both told to call her with Hcoma, not alone. She isn't ever effective alone.
She makes a channel for water to run. She finds the weak points that allow erosion. She allows water to filter through the soil to nourish plants. I asked if deserts were the lack of her presence. She said no. Deserts were a lack of water. Should water appear, she would be there to help it move and drain.
I asked her for a vision and she made that which Hcoma has given me three-dimensional. Very cool.
She said she could help me respond better in dreams. By 'better' she meant with more thought.
It is very difficult to remember conversations with her.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Don't Believe Everything You Hear
Frater RO chided me a bit the other day. In this post, Hcoma said if I do things her way, I will be able to heal others just by being is their vicinity. I've always wanted to heal. When I started this process, I was a pretty good human drug store. If you could get relief from an over the counter pharmaceutical, I could help you out. Over time, my confidence lagged until it was non-existent. So, here comes Hcoma telling me I can heal. RO thought I should be overjoyed rather than saying the session was 'flat'.
The session was flat because the contact was not as strong. I didn't feel like I'd met her halfway. She had to come a long way down to see me.
I wasn't overjoyed because I don't believe everything I hear from spirits. Sometimes, they mean one thing and I interpret the words in some other way. Other times, the lines of communication aren't what they should be. In short, communication with spirits is just as fraught with miscommunication as human to human conversation.
Therefore, I listen, record and wait for confirmation. If this technique works and folks get healed great. If not, that is all right. I will continue to seek.
Dreams
Last night, I had lucid dreams. Actually, it was one very long lucid dream. I banished a mean looking clown several times from the back seat of my car, much to My Gal's distress. She didn't like me banishing it. We fled folks with guns during the non-lucid part. Eventually, in a lucid state, saw my mentor. I asked him about the clowns. He took me to see someone with dark leathery skin, who may have been dead, to throw runes for me. It said, "The clowns are obviously..." I will keep that part to myself.
The session was flat because the contact was not as strong. I didn't feel like I'd met her halfway. She had to come a long way down to see me.
I wasn't overjoyed because I don't believe everything I hear from spirits. Sometimes, they mean one thing and I interpret the words in some other way. Other times, the lines of communication aren't what they should be. In short, communication with spirits is just as fraught with miscommunication as human to human conversation.
Therefore, I listen, record and wait for confirmation. If this technique works and folks get healed great. If not, that is all right. I will continue to seek.
Dreams
Last night, I had lucid dreams. Actually, it was one very long lucid dream. I banished a mean looking clown several times from the back seat of my car, much to My Gal's distress. She didn't like me banishing it. We fled folks with guns during the non-lucid part. Eventually, in a lucid state, saw my mentor. I asked him about the clowns. He took me to see someone with dark leathery skin, who may have been dead, to throw runes for me. It said, "The clowns are obviously..." I will keep that part to myself.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
EHNB Meditation
EHNB is the angel on the Tablet of Union that has all the other angels of that tablet inside of it. This angel has helped me do better magick every time I ask it to 'get me out of the way.' I dabbed a bit of rose oil under my nose and meditated on EHNB with that same question mind. Suddenly my thought changed to, "free me from the cocoon of my soul." I want to be less 'closed off', more compassionate, more open.
He warned me that this may be difficult for me emotionally. It isn't that I am not psychic. It isn't that I am not aware. It isn't because I am a major hard-ass. I am closed because I am too sensitive, too aware of the other person's suffering, and therefore I had to close off. I can now intellectualize compassion and universal love but I feel them only rarely. I kept asking him to help me break through the cocoon.
Eventually, a flower unfolded. The red petals were those of the rose cross. Then there was a different flower unfolding. This has more needle-like petals in orange. I arose from its midst encased in glass. The glass was my karma. To be free, I had to break the glass but it would hurt. There was a rock in my hand. I did not hesitate to smash it against that which confined me. Glass fell all around.
The visuals were cool. The sense of peace nice. Time will tell if any short or long term change emerges.
He warned me that this may be difficult for me emotionally. It isn't that I am not psychic. It isn't that I am not aware. It isn't because I am a major hard-ass. I am closed because I am too sensitive, too aware of the other person's suffering, and therefore I had to close off. I can now intellectualize compassion and universal love but I feel them only rarely. I kept asking him to help me break through the cocoon.
Eventually, a flower unfolded. The red petals were those of the rose cross. Then there was a different flower unfolding. This has more needle-like petals in orange. I arose from its midst encased in glass. The glass was my karma. To be free, I had to break the glass but it would hurt. There was a rock in my hand. I did not hesitate to smash it against that which confined me. Glass fell all around.
The visuals were cool. The sense of peace nice. Time will tell if any short or long term change emerges.
On a Mission from "God"
In my last encounter with XCAI, s/he mentioned that I was being trained to do something for God. I have heard this before and frankly, got my ass kicked in the process. This time, I plan to be smarter. First, I am going to start probing the angels for exactly what this thing is, ask my HGA if it is in alignment with him, see if there is a way 'out' and if I want to take it or if avoidance is simply avoidance. Frankly, I am not a messiah but I don't mind playing my part in the process of a divine unfoldment. Heck, I am even willing to make a sacrifice, again. However, I am not going in blind this time.Then again, this could be test to see if I will keep going with the Enochian work when faced with such a decision. To quote Bugs Bunny, "He don't know me very well, do he?"
Bugs pic from: http://www.dan-dare.org/FreeFun/Games/CartoonsMoviesTV/BugsBunny.htm
Monday, December 29, 2008
Hcoma Revisited
My Gal went to bed early. So, I thought I'd give Hcoma a call. I have been wanting to try some experiments on my own. In fear of waking her, I did not dress for the occasion.
I recited the first, second and fourth calls. As soon as I called her name, I saw ocean. Even so, from start to finish everything was flat. She asked my why I called when I've been talking to her without all the ritual. I said that I wanted to see if she had anything to add or if the ritual enhanced communication. She seemed indifferent. I asked her about the vision I see every time I think of her. She explained and told me that if I could expand that outside of myself, I could heal those who stood near me. I asked if that was her will that I should do this thing. She said, she didn't care but she thought it would enhance my life as I've always wanted to heal.
There wasn't much to this one.
Oh, on the housekeeping front, I cleaned out the rain gutters on the garage side of the house. I am amazed at this odd ambition but I am not fighting it.
I recited the first, second and fourth calls. As soon as I called her name, I saw ocean. Even so, from start to finish everything was flat. She asked my why I called when I've been talking to her without all the ritual. I said that I wanted to see if she had anything to add or if the ritual enhanced communication. She seemed indifferent. I asked her about the vision I see every time I think of her. She explained and told me that if I could expand that outside of myself, I could heal those who stood near me. I asked if that was her will that I should do this thing. She said, she didn't care but she thought it would enhance my life as I've always wanted to heal.
There wasn't much to this one.
Oh, on the housekeeping front, I cleaned out the rain gutters on the garage side of the house. I am amazed at this odd ambition but I am not fighting it.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Enochian House Keeping
Calling XCAI was not the only thing that happened today.
This weekend, a couple of things were accomplished that I had very little to do with. My brother-in-law is staying with us. He repaired a cabinet that was pulling out of a wall creating a draft. I have no idea what that will save me in energy but if it was only two dollars a month. I will save those two dollars every month for quite a long time. Total cost to me, zero.
He also found some parts to repair my vacuum cleaner. They should arrive next week. Total cost to me, zero.
He and My Gal, also rehung the closet doors in my office. They had fallen off the sliding rail long ago. My office looks much better now. Cost to me, about twenty dollars.
I, with help from my Gal, did every bit of laundry in the house besides what we are wearing now.
Yes, this has everything to do with Enochian. The low cost may have something to do with some spirits from the Lesser Key of Solomon. Maybe not. I don't know.
This weekend, a couple of things were accomplished that I had very little to do with. My brother-in-law is staying with us. He repaired a cabinet that was pulling out of a wall creating a draft. I have no idea what that will save me in energy but if it was only two dollars a month. I will save those two dollars every month for quite a long time. Total cost to me, zero.
He also found some parts to repair my vacuum cleaner. They should arrive next week. Total cost to me, zero.
He and My Gal, also rehung the closet doors in my office. They had fallen off the sliding rail long ago. My office looks much better now. Cost to me, about twenty dollars.
I, with help from my Gal, did every bit of laundry in the house besides what we are wearing now.
Yes, this has everything to do with Enochian. The low cost may have something to do with some spirits from the Lesser Key of Solomon. Maybe not. I don't know.
XCAI Second Attempt
This time things went better. When I did the LBRP, I traveled to the place Hcoma has shown me and vibrated from there. My Gal said it seemed like I was pushing things out in a very protective way.
When I reached XCAI, I said, "Are you XCAI?"
"Yes."
"Are you the true and holy angel from the tablet of union?"
"Yes."
"Did we contact you the last time?"
"No."
"What was that?"
"It was not of us but it was. You will not understand that." (Note: My Gal was also told she would not understand something in this session.)
"Why did we get that?"
"You must to pronounce every letter until you know which are silent."
Apparently, we did not enunciate the A properly.
"I am..."
"Yes, I know and you know we know..."
"What is your scent?"
"Rose. This is why you recoiled at the smell of the frankincense. I am much more particular about scent than Exarp." I found this interesting because Exarp's scent was of all blooming flowers. EHNB was of rose.
"What are you?"
"I manifest air. Exarp is air. I am that which allows air to manifest on all planes." I had an image/thought that involved the manifestation of air on all planes in a descending motion." My Gal received a visual picture of this as well. Same concept but a much different way of expressing his/her task.
"Was the vision [of the bandaged hand] from Exarp?"
"Dealing with Exarp will give you external visions. Hcoma will give you internal visions."
I asked, "Is it best to call you alone or with Exarp?"
"It doesn't matter. Alone we will have different things to tell you. However, if you want something to manifest, ask us both. If we grant it, [it will manifest 'better' (Note: better is not the right word.)] We each have our limitations but together we have less." I had a feeling I heard the words but did not fully understand. I didn't know where to go so I asked, "Please share with me your wisdom that will make me a better magician, or person, or give me a deeper understanding of Enochian magick or whatever wisdom you would like to share."
"There is no wisdom I would like to share. You are going to write this as being a message from your ego [he was right about that] but I am going to tell you anyway. You are being taught to be an instrument of God's will. You are being taught how to do one thing. Unlike last time*, this will be of longer duration and you will see the value in your sacrifice. You will not feel negatively like you did the last time."
The table of practice is white with red lettering around the edges. A red cloth covers all that and the Sigillum Dei Aemeth. The table had turned white. I could see the letters in red. "Why is the table white?"
"When the table turns white that means the angel has manifested."
"Are you here?" I noticed something come to shape behind My Gal. We sit facing each other. The form was humanoid but indistinct. I looked at it and XCAI suddenly spread his wings. The entire east wall of my temple space was covered by feathers. They had a rainbow sheen. This was through the looking glass darkly. Had I seen that in full light, I'd likely have fallen backwards over my chair. The only word for it is "Awesome." He was showing me that he was 'a big boy'. This is serious stuff. He folded in his wings at flew up like a dart. Only he didn't move. "Why are you holding on to me?"
I have no doubt that he could have left any time he wanted. I have no idea how to 'hold on' to an angel. I was not aware of doing any holding on. "I seem to be very deep in meditation."
"Yes, I am helping you."
"I'd like to be able to do this on my own."
"Of course. You'd have to practice meditation to do that. You are spending a lot of time doing this. This will teach you that anyway." He ascended.
I had a very difficult time coming out of it. My eyes would not open. I had to force myself back to consensus reality. As I was doing so, the area behind My Gal felt like a void. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find her holding the scrying mirror to her face, her forehead against its glass.
* The "last time" refers to my entry into another occult tradition. My amateurish unbanished shamanic journeys told me that I would have only one purpose in that tradition. I was supposed to bring one person in. Then, horrible things would happen. I wouldn't say I brought in another. However, his arrival was heavily influenced by my presence. Then horrible things happened. I've been psychological plagued by them ever since. I am sure I suffer from some sort of occult PTSD as a result. Though, I seem to be getting much better, sorta.
P.S. Enochian magick kicks ass! I love this stuff.
When I reached XCAI, I said, "Are you XCAI?"
"Yes."
"Are you the true and holy angel from the tablet of union?"
"Yes."
"Did we contact you the last time?"
"No."
"What was that?"
"It was not of us but it was. You will not understand that." (Note: My Gal was also told she would not understand something in this session.)
"Why did we get that?"
"You must to pronounce every letter until you know which are silent."
Apparently, we did not enunciate the A properly.
"I am..."
"Yes, I know and you know we know..."
"What is your scent?"
"Rose. This is why you recoiled at the smell of the frankincense. I am much more particular about scent than Exarp." I found this interesting because Exarp's scent was of all blooming flowers. EHNB was of rose.
"What are you?"
"I manifest air. Exarp is air. I am that which allows air to manifest on all planes." I had an image/thought that involved the manifestation of air on all planes in a descending motion." My Gal received a visual picture of this as well. Same concept but a much different way of expressing his/her task.
"Was the vision [of the bandaged hand] from Exarp?"
"Dealing with Exarp will give you external visions. Hcoma will give you internal visions."
I asked, "Is it best to call you alone or with Exarp?"
"It doesn't matter. Alone we will have different things to tell you. However, if you want something to manifest, ask us both. If we grant it, [it will manifest 'better' (Note: better is not the right word.)] We each have our limitations but together we have less." I had a feeling I heard the words but did not fully understand. I didn't know where to go so I asked, "Please share with me your wisdom that will make me a better magician, or person, or give me a deeper understanding of Enochian magick or whatever wisdom you would like to share."
"There is no wisdom I would like to share. You are going to write this as being a message from your ego [he was right about that] but I am going to tell you anyway. You are being taught to be an instrument of God's will. You are being taught how to do one thing. Unlike last time*, this will be of longer duration and you will see the value in your sacrifice. You will not feel negatively like you did the last time."
The table of practice is white with red lettering around the edges. A red cloth covers all that and the Sigillum Dei Aemeth. The table had turned white. I could see the letters in red. "Why is the table white?"
"When the table turns white that means the angel has manifested."
"Are you here?" I noticed something come to shape behind My Gal. We sit facing each other. The form was humanoid but indistinct. I looked at it and XCAI suddenly spread his wings. The entire east wall of my temple space was covered by feathers. They had a rainbow sheen. This was through the looking glass darkly. Had I seen that in full light, I'd likely have fallen backwards over my chair. The only word for it is "Awesome." He was showing me that he was 'a big boy'. This is serious stuff. He folded in his wings at flew up like a dart. Only he didn't move. "Why are you holding on to me?"
I have no doubt that he could have left any time he wanted. I have no idea how to 'hold on' to an angel. I was not aware of doing any holding on. "I seem to be very deep in meditation."
"Yes, I am helping you."
"I'd like to be able to do this on my own."
"Of course. You'd have to practice meditation to do that. You are spending a lot of time doing this. This will teach you that anyway." He ascended.
I had a very difficult time coming out of it. My eyes would not open. I had to force myself back to consensus reality. As I was doing so, the area behind My Gal felt like a void. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find her holding the scrying mirror to her face, her forehead against its glass.
* The "last time" refers to my entry into another occult tradition. My amateurish unbanished shamanic journeys told me that I would have only one purpose in that tradition. I was supposed to bring one person in. Then, horrible things would happen. I wouldn't say I brought in another. However, his arrival was heavily influenced by my presence. Then horrible things happened. I've been psychological plagued by them ever since. I am sure I suffer from some sort of occult PTSD as a result. Though, I seem to be getting much better, sorta.
P.S. Enochian magick kicks ass! I love this stuff.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Just a Day
Last night, I made Enochian letter flash cards. They have the character on one side and the name of the letter and its English equivalent on the other. I was able to rip through them pretty good after a few passes. I want to have them done to sight as easily as English.
My goal is to have these down and then move on to memorizing the opening chant from DuQuette's Enochian Vision Magick. It isn't a fancy opening but it gets me 'there' when I'm reading it. I'd like to have the luxury of doing it sans the script.
Today, has been a day of house cleaning and a video game my brother-in-law got me hooked on. I've noticed that I am much more active around the house since doing Enochian work. I make an effort to clean things and keep them clean. I've thought about this a lot. I think this is simply one of the pleasant aspects of magick. Eventually, we are taught how to live like we want to live. Magicians change habits that have become obstacles. Sometimes, like with my house cleaning, these changes occur with very little effort. Other times, a great deal of energy must be applied but eventually the change does occur.
My goal is to have these down and then move on to memorizing the opening chant from DuQuette's Enochian Vision Magick. It isn't a fancy opening but it gets me 'there' when I'm reading it. I'd like to have the luxury of doing it sans the script.
Today, has been a day of house cleaning and a video game my brother-in-law got me hooked on. I've noticed that I am much more active around the house since doing Enochian work. I make an effort to clean things and keep them clean. I've thought about this a lot. I think this is simply one of the pleasant aspects of magick. Eventually, we are taught how to live like we want to live. Magicians change habits that have become obstacles. Sometimes, like with my house cleaning, these changes occur with very little effort. Other times, a great deal of energy must be applied but eventually the change does occur.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
XCAI
XCAI is the the second angel that can be created by the descending vertically down the tablet of union. His immediate presence was a huge download of information. S/he, I could not tell gender, was a veritable rocket mouth. Due to some rather strange occurrences that interrupted our session, I am not sure that I reached XCAI. Those interruptions may be covered on My Gals blog.
Hcoma Caused a Dream?
I have been following Hcoma's 'teaching' on how to live with more depth. I've also been adding a bit from EHNB that helps me get out of my own way when I do magick. Last night, as I was drift off to sleep, I used the techniques together, I had an image of the universe being inside of me. There was also a swirl of stars and purple fog that lead to that universe.
I dreamed I was on the moon. A dark wraith of some kind was in coffin like box. I touched its head which felt leathery. Perhaps the being had no skull as there was a lot of give to it. Suddenly, the thing tried to grab me and begged me to kill it. The dream ended.
I dreamed I was on the moon. A dark wraith of some kind was in coffin like box. I touched its head which felt leathery. Perhaps the being had no skull as there was a lot of give to it. Suddenly, the thing tried to grab me and begged me to kill it. The dream ended.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Bitom
Bitom is the angel/god of fire found on the tablet of union. His appearance marks the last of the horizontal names on the tablet.
The connection was not as strong in the beginning. He proudly stated that he was indeed Bitom. I asked why he seemed so distant and he said the moon is not right. He repeated this several times. I asked him if it was my moon or the physical moon. He responded, "What is the difference?"
"Is it my emotional state that is the problem?"
"No, it is the moon."
"Can we still communicate?" I asked.
"Yes, with some effort."
"I am..."
"Yes," He said, "I know you. Words have traveled. You have permission to work the fire tablet."
"If I could see you, what would be your color?"
"I am red and invisible. Invisible the higher."
I asked, "Are you physical fire."
"Tangentially. That is my grossest form. Fire is in everything. At the most subtle, fire is in ice, in the ocean. You may work my tablet but work the water tablet [extensively] first. You have a weakness in fire. You can live in fire, dance in the flames for so long. Work the water tablet first and call me again before working fire. You can use the fire table to [obtain something my HGA directed me to do]."
"If I could taste you?"
I heard two things simultaneously. "You can not taste me!" And, "Cinnamon"
And your scent, "Cinnamon"
I asked some things regarding the Enochian alphabet. I will not post his reply. However, he did give me two letters. I realized that he gave me the end of the word first, "But this is right to left, right?"
He was pleased, "Yes." Then he added, "This is a bad time. The moon..."
"May I use fire as a magickal experiment?"
"Yes and he gave me some words to use to do a specific thing." We actually talked for some time or so it seemed but this is all I can remember.
Notes: During the LBRP I noticed a bright blue figure in the east. An earthy figure was behind me. Red was to my left and yellow to my right. In short, this is not the color scheme I am used to. On the other hand, they were pretty bright.
I looked up the letters I was given. They spell the Enochian word for the letter F. Could this be fire? It would seem to be appropriate. I then looked at the letter F in an Enochian dictionary I have. The entry under F gave the meaning "visit"
My Gal had moon related discussions as well.
The connection was not as strong in the beginning. He proudly stated that he was indeed Bitom. I asked why he seemed so distant and he said the moon is not right. He repeated this several times. I asked him if it was my moon or the physical moon. He responded, "What is the difference?"
"Is it my emotional state that is the problem?"
"No, it is the moon."
"Can we still communicate?" I asked.
"Yes, with some effort."
"I am..."
"Yes," He said, "I know you. Words have traveled. You have permission to work the fire tablet."
"If I could see you, what would be your color?"
"I am red and invisible. Invisible the higher."
I asked, "Are you physical fire."
"Tangentially. That is my grossest form. Fire is in everything. At the most subtle, fire is in ice, in the ocean. You may work my tablet but work the water tablet [extensively] first. You have a weakness in fire. You can live in fire, dance in the flames for so long. Work the water tablet first and call me again before working fire. You can use the fire table to [obtain something my HGA directed me to do]."
"If I could taste you?"
I heard two things simultaneously. "You can not taste me!" And, "Cinnamon"
And your scent, "Cinnamon"
I asked some things regarding the Enochian alphabet. I will not post his reply. However, he did give me two letters. I realized that he gave me the end of the word first, "But this is right to left, right?"
He was pleased, "Yes." Then he added, "This is a bad time. The moon..."
"May I use fire as a magickal experiment?"
"Yes and he gave me some words to use to do a specific thing." We actually talked for some time or so it seemed but this is all I can remember.
Notes: During the LBRP I noticed a bright blue figure in the east. An earthy figure was behind me. Red was to my left and yellow to my right. In short, this is not the color scheme I am used to. On the other hand, they were pretty bright.
I looked up the letters I was given. They spell the Enochian word for the letter F. Could this be fire? It would seem to be appropriate. I then looked at the letter F in an Enochian dictionary I have. The entry under F gave the meaning "visit"
My Gal had moon related discussions as well.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Enochian Results?
Some odd phenomena to report this evening. Perhaps it is not all that odd. I am finding myself to be much more intuitive of late. Some of this is what I call dead psychic activity. This is the ability to know who is calling a split second before the phone actually rings. I call it "dead psychic" because if someone was about to blow my head off and I was warned by this sense, I wouldn't' have time to duck.
I suppose what is more impressive is a dream I had the other night after dealing with Nanta. I dreamed of my ex-wife. She confirmed the emotional state I perceived in the dream. I suppose more impressive, to me, is that my intuition has kicked up in ways that are useful, as long as I say nothing directly regarding the intuition. For instance, I scheduled one of my staff to repair something before it was reported broken. You can't actually tell someone that. You simply act in full knowledge just as if you've received the report via conventional means.
I suppose what is more impressive is a dream I had the other night after dealing with Nanta. I dreamed of my ex-wife. She confirmed the emotional state I perceived in the dream. I suppose more impressive, to me, is that my intuition has kicked up in ways that are useful, as long as I say nothing directly regarding the intuition. For instance, I scheduled one of my staff to repair something before it was reported broken. You can't actually tell someone that. You simply act in full knowledge just as if you've received the report via conventional means.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Last night's post, was difficult to write. I had to edit it several times after posting because I had left things out. Here is another.I briefly 'walked' within this courtyard of the Palace of Versailles. I was walking near the building on the right of this picture. I do not recall the main entrance nor the building on the left being in the vision. I asked if this was the time of Marie Antoinette and told no it was before that. It was here that I learned the lesson of having but failing to use power. This was in the part of the session having to do with casting spells.
I should add that I was not the king of France. I was obviously in the governmental capacity at some level but I had no sense of being a political power.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Nanta - Death
Tonight, I received the sad news that a boyhood 'mom' passed away last month. She was my best friend's mother. There will be more on that in a subsequent post. I mention it here because it colored this working.
For some reason, I felt compelled during My Gal's recitation of the first and second calls, to begin this post with the beginning prayer. So, here it is:
Teach me (O creator of all things) to have correct knowledge and understanding, for your wisdom is all that I desire. Speak your word in my ear (O creator of all things) and set your wisdom in my heart. Amen
After calling Nanta, I asked, "Are you there?"
"Yes," said a loud male voice.
"You are male."
"Yes," he said. The statement was a fact. "Death saddens you. Do not be sad. Death is nothing. Life and death are the same. She is where she needs to be. You are where you need to be. Death is nothing. Death is merely reabsorption. [I do that all the time.]"
I began, "I seek wisdom..."
"Yes. I know." He interrupted, "As you know, the words have traveled. Ask."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"Black."
"But black is not a natural color of earth."
"Think of a cave. The light does not reach the depths and you should go deeper. It was good that you called Hcoma. Had you not reached her first, I'd have yelled at you. You need to work with her more." I saw an angel in a deep black robe, a hood covered his face. This looked much like a classic image of the reaper but with no scythe.
"What is your scent?"
Freshly plowed field.
"What is your taste?" I was given a visual of mud in my mouth but I did not actually taste anything like I have with other Enochian angels. "What is your sound?" I heard the thud of a heavy rock falling onto earth. "If your sound was musical?" I heard the deep sound of wind passing through rocks as interpreted through a breathy flute.
"Please share with me you're wisdom."
"I have been trying to [but you keep asking questions]." I saw a gold crown upon my heart. "You are king of the earth." This had something to do with fire and earth but more than that I can not share. Some of you will know. Being told I am king of something smacks of ego and wish fulfillment. However, I record what I am told or hear. "All your spells will work. I will teach you spells to manifest your True Will on earth. You must learn to mix all the elements. You must learn to do things in the proper order just like you wouldn't leave one job until you had another. Work the tablet of earth. They will teach you how to be organized"
"Are you giving me authority over your tablet?"
"Whether I give it to you or you have it doesn't matter. Work the tablet."
Note: When he spoke of mixing all the elements, he was excluding earth.
I didn't feel like I hit this very well mentally but there was no question something was there. I only understood how deep I was until I tried to get back to a normal state of consciousness.
During the 1st and 2nd calls, I noticed that many words if not all, lit up the channel created by the Sigillum Dei Ameth on the astral.
The confirmation of this contact came from My Gal. I did not tell her about the sad news I received. Yet, many of her images were of death. I ask her to relate her tale to me before I spoke.
For some reason, I felt compelled during My Gal's recitation of the first and second calls, to begin this post with the beginning prayer. So, here it is:
Teach me (O creator of all things) to have correct knowledge and understanding, for your wisdom is all that I desire. Speak your word in my ear (O creator of all things) and set your wisdom in my heart. Amen
After calling Nanta, I asked, "Are you there?"
"Yes," said a loud male voice.
"You are male."
"Yes," he said. The statement was a fact. "Death saddens you. Do not be sad. Death is nothing. Life and death are the same. She is where she needs to be. You are where you need to be. Death is nothing. Death is merely reabsorption. [I do that all the time.]"
I began, "I seek wisdom..."
"Yes. I know." He interrupted, "As you know, the words have traveled. Ask."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"Black."
"But black is not a natural color of earth."
"Think of a cave. The light does not reach the depths and you should go deeper. It was good that you called Hcoma. Had you not reached her first, I'd have yelled at you. You need to work with her more." I saw an angel in a deep black robe, a hood covered his face. This looked much like a classic image of the reaper but with no scythe.
"What is your scent?"
Freshly plowed field.
"What is your taste?" I was given a visual of mud in my mouth but I did not actually taste anything like I have with other Enochian angels. "What is your sound?" I heard the thud of a heavy rock falling onto earth. "If your sound was musical?" I heard the deep sound of wind passing through rocks as interpreted through a breathy flute.
"Please share with me you're wisdom."
"I have been trying to [but you keep asking questions]." I saw a gold crown upon my heart. "You are king of the earth." This had something to do with fire and earth but more than that I can not share. Some of you will know. Being told I am king of something smacks of ego and wish fulfillment. However, I record what I am told or hear. "All your spells will work. I will teach you spells to manifest your True Will on earth. You must learn to mix all the elements. You must learn to do things in the proper order just like you wouldn't leave one job until you had another. Work the tablet of earth. They will teach you how to be organized"
"Are you giving me authority over your tablet?"
"Whether I give it to you or you have it doesn't matter. Work the tablet."
Note: When he spoke of mixing all the elements, he was excluding earth.
I didn't feel like I hit this very well mentally but there was no question something was there. I only understood how deep I was until I tried to get back to a normal state of consciousness.
During the 1st and 2nd calls, I noticed that many words if not all, lit up the channel created by the Sigillum Dei Ameth on the astral.
The confirmation of this contact came from My Gal. I did not tell her about the sad news I received. Yet, many of her images were of death. I ask her to relate her tale to me before I spoke.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Dream Hcoma?
As I fell asleep, I followed Hcoma's instructions for 'getting deeper'. I had a nightmare.
I was in the midsts of a Nazi occupied area and was either a Jew or friend of Jews. I think the former. I watched as various people made plans for avoiding death.
Someone, in the form of my sister, worked for the Nazi's and believed that if everyone just did as they were told, things would be work out. My spirit followed a young boy as he just figured out what was about to happen. He thought he found a hiding place hiding in the structural components of the roof. Below, 'we' knew, children were about to be slaughtered. As I moved away from that dream segment, I knew that something gave way and he fell to his death. I saw a woman who was trying to escape get caught and a black man revealed by a 'citizen' just before he could escape.
In the dream, I saw no violence. Only reactions to the potential violence all around. I left some dream segments just before very bad things happened. In one, I arrived just afterwards. If these type of things (dreams) happen when I follow her instructions before sleep, it will take a huge effort of will to continue with those instructions.
I was in the midsts of a Nazi occupied area and was either a Jew or friend of Jews. I think the former. I watched as various people made plans for avoiding death.
Someone, in the form of my sister, worked for the Nazi's and believed that if everyone just did as they were told, things would be work out. My spirit followed a young boy as he just figured out what was about to happen. He thought he found a hiding place hiding in the structural components of the roof. Below, 'we' knew, children were about to be slaughtered. As I moved away from that dream segment, I knew that something gave way and he fell to his death. I saw a woman who was trying to escape get caught and a black man revealed by a 'citizen' just before he could escape.
In the dream, I saw no violence. Only reactions to the potential violence all around. I left some dream segments just before very bad things happened. In one, I arrived just afterwards. If these type of things (dreams) happen when I follow her instructions before sleep, it will take a huge effort of will to continue with those instructions.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Hcoma
My Gal pointed out that we didn't actually use the calls for Exarp the other night. This may be why he was so gruff. Then again, the storm may have played a large part. Tonight, I did the chanting and she did the first and second calls.
As soon as she started, I felt my sphere vibrate differently. This felt like the right thing. Though, I am not sure that the calls were necessary. She would have come. She would have talked. She would have said things.
As soon as the calls finished, I sent out the specific call to the angel and asked, "Are you there?" She responded.
"I am here."
"Your voice, you float." I've never heard a floating sound before.
"Yes, I float."
"I seek wisdom. I seek to understand my undying soul that I may be closer to the ultimate creator."
"Yes," she said, "Words have traveled. I know you. Ask what you will."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"I am the small things in the ocean." I did not see any images but her words struck images already in my mind. The image was of amoeba or plankton floating in the sea. Some part of my mind must have said something like, "But that isn't water." I don't remember hearing myself say that but I must have for she said, "Yes. I am life. From me is all the life on the earth."
"What is your sound?" The beach.
"What is your taste?" I asked.
"Brine, salt water. No matter what you ask, the answer is ocean."
"Are you fresh water?"
"Fresh water is the sea purified/changed to give land life by air and fire. Remember that."
"Please share your wisdom with me that I can understand."
Her voice from beginning to end repeated itself and said the same things in different ways. It was as if her words were carried on the peaks of two waves. Each message carried the same meaning but, used different words.
"The beach is not the only sound. There is also the sound on the surface of deep ocean. The beach is wave against earth. But there is another sound [away from land] that is wave against wave and wind. And there is another, at the tips of the waves, where the air takes my water from the sea. Listen for that sound."
I listened. I am not sure if she showed me wave tops or they came from my memory. My mind penetrated the image and placed itself between the wave crest and wind. Sizzle. The sound I heard was of something frying.
"Yes," came the voice of the angel, "Do you understand what I am telling you?"
"My angry words come from the surface of my ocean. The wind is my words carrying that emotion."
"Yes. Oceans are deep. You can try to calm the surface or you can go deeper. The first one [she did not say former], has not been successful. Have you thought of going deeper?"
Through the entire session, I felt underwater but not physically. I have no words to describe the peaceful but peculiar sensation. At these words, my depth increased.
"Can you show me how?"
"The water tablet can show you. Ask it in my name. Command it. With this tablet though, asking [gently] will work better. There is another sound in the depths. You will never hear that sound [as a physical body] but if you work the tablet you will hear."
At this point, I saw Harpocrate, Egyptian god of silence as pictured on the Thoth deck.
"Your soul is beautiful [that word meant something deeper] when you exercise your compassion. That is hidden by your words. Live in your depth. Seek your depth." There was more on this vein. Then she added,"Do not neglect the evil angels of the water tablet, not immediately. Work the tablet first and then, when you are ready the evil angels. Light often unfolds from darkness. What a beautiful light there is for you but you must not fear the evil angels. You must not fear the depths of your own soul. Go deeper."
"Can you teach me how to do that?"
"Just when you are waking or about to sleep. [instruction deleted] You can also call your angel Asmodel during the day. When you are angered or over hurried, [you are not deep.]"
Deeper and deeper I went. I could have stayed with her forever, such was the peace. I now understand the danger of undines. It is not their physical beauty that tempts the magician. The promise of physical beauty is merely the manifestation of the trap.
"You have stayed much longer than the others."
"Such is my nature. I can." She left unspoken that EHNB and Exarp can not stay as long. This appeared to be her nature and theirs more than my ability to hold them. Yet, she did not seem to want to go.
"Exarp said that my manifestation included saying what others do not wish to hear. Yet you showed me silence."
She answered, "Yes. Tell them what they don't want to hear. Yet be silent more. When you speak, the impact will be greater." We talked a little longer and then parted.
In this report, I used the word she. I believe the angels are without gender however, to our dualistic minds, they are perceived in certain ways. There is no doubt Hcoma is a she and the others are males. I understood her quite well. I think I took in a great deal of the depth of her meanings. She is so comfortable. In that is a danger. One could get very comfortable calling upon her to the exclusion of others.
I have never experienced a more emotionally satisfying act of magick. I know that somehow, I have changed this night. Though, that change may take some time to manifest. Patience is the watchword in this system.
This may disappoint My Gal a little. However, once the horizontal rows of this tablet are complete. I will have to move back to tattwas or geomantic figures. I do not want to get overly focussed here.
Balance is the watchword of the magician.
As soon as she started, I felt my sphere vibrate differently. This felt like the right thing. Though, I am not sure that the calls were necessary. She would have come. She would have talked. She would have said things.
As soon as the calls finished, I sent out the specific call to the angel and asked, "Are you there?" She responded.
"I am here."
"Your voice, you float." I've never heard a floating sound before.
"Yes, I float."
"I seek wisdom. I seek to understand my undying soul that I may be closer to the ultimate creator."
"Yes," she said, "Words have traveled. I know you. Ask what you will."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"I am the small things in the ocean." I did not see any images but her words struck images already in my mind. The image was of amoeba or plankton floating in the sea. Some part of my mind must have said something like, "But that isn't water." I don't remember hearing myself say that but I must have for she said, "Yes. I am life. From me is all the life on the earth."
"What is your sound?" The beach.
"What is your taste?" I asked.
"Brine, salt water. No matter what you ask, the answer is ocean."
"Are you fresh water?"
"Fresh water is the sea purified/changed to give land life by air and fire. Remember that."
"Please share your wisdom with me that I can understand."
Her voice from beginning to end repeated itself and said the same things in different ways. It was as if her words were carried on the peaks of two waves. Each message carried the same meaning but, used different words.
"The beach is not the only sound. There is also the sound on the surface of deep ocean. The beach is wave against earth. But there is another sound [away from land] that is wave against wave and wind. And there is another, at the tips of the waves, where the air takes my water from the sea. Listen for that sound."
I listened. I am not sure if she showed me wave tops or they came from my memory. My mind penetrated the image and placed itself between the wave crest and wind. Sizzle. The sound I heard was of something frying.
"Yes," came the voice of the angel, "Do you understand what I am telling you?"
"My angry words come from the surface of my ocean. The wind is my words carrying that emotion."
"Yes. Oceans are deep. You can try to calm the surface or you can go deeper. The first one [she did not say former], has not been successful. Have you thought of going deeper?"
Through the entire session, I felt underwater but not physically. I have no words to describe the peaceful but peculiar sensation. At these words, my depth increased.
"Can you show me how?"
"The water tablet can show you. Ask it in my name. Command it. With this tablet though, asking [gently] will work better. There is another sound in the depths. You will never hear that sound [as a physical body] but if you work the tablet you will hear."
At this point, I saw Harpocrate, Egyptian god of silence as pictured on the Thoth deck.
"Your soul is beautiful [that word meant something deeper] when you exercise your compassion. That is hidden by your words. Live in your depth. Seek your depth." There was more on this vein. Then she added,"Do not neglect the evil angels of the water tablet, not immediately. Work the tablet first and then, when you are ready the evil angels. Light often unfolds from darkness. What a beautiful light there is for you but you must not fear the evil angels. You must not fear the depths of your own soul. Go deeper."
"Can you teach me how to do that?"
"Just when you are waking or about to sleep. [instruction deleted] You can also call your angel Asmodel during the day. When you are angered or over hurried, [you are not deep.]"
Deeper and deeper I went. I could have stayed with her forever, such was the peace. I now understand the danger of undines. It is not their physical beauty that tempts the magician. The promise of physical beauty is merely the manifestation of the trap.
"You have stayed much longer than the others."
"Such is my nature. I can." She left unspoken that EHNB and Exarp can not stay as long. This appeared to be her nature and theirs more than my ability to hold them. Yet, she did not seem to want to go.
"Exarp said that my manifestation included saying what others do not wish to hear. Yet you showed me silence."
She answered, "Yes. Tell them what they don't want to hear. Yet be silent more. When you speak, the impact will be greater." We talked a little longer and then parted.
In this report, I used the word she. I believe the angels are without gender however, to our dualistic minds, they are perceived in certain ways. There is no doubt Hcoma is a she and the others are males. I understood her quite well. I think I took in a great deal of the depth of her meanings. She is so comfortable. In that is a danger. One could get very comfortable calling upon her to the exclusion of others.
I have never experienced a more emotionally satisfying act of magick. I know that somehow, I have changed this night. Though, that change may take some time to manifest. Patience is the watchword in this system.
This may disappoint My Gal a little. However, once the horizontal rows of this tablet are complete. I will have to move back to tattwas or geomantic figures. I do not want to get overly focussed here.
Balance is the watchword of the magician.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Follow-up to Exarp
Per last night's post, I did dream. In the dream, I was managing an occult shop that had a small collection of adult dvd's to rent. Those items created a brisk business. While in the shop, My Gal spoke to another person. She pointed out the quality of the workmanship and decoration on the sword I had just received. Having a dream of a sword after dealing with an angel of air seems appropriate.
In retrospect, his angry tone may have been a reflection of the stormy weather we were having last night. Hail fell.
Today, I was speaking with someone. Behind that person and to my right, stood a figure leaning on a single crutch. His head covered with a bloody bandage. His clothing worn. My eyes moved from the person I was speaking with to the figure. The wounded man disappeared immediately. My eyes fell to the hand of my coworker. A clear bandage, of the type used to hold an IV, was on the back of his hand. I could see the texture of the bandage quite clearly. I looked at the person's face and back to the hand. The bandage was gone.
I hesitate to give this any meaning at all. I only report a very clear vision. There was no difference between the astral vision and my waking vision in terms of color or quality.
In retrospect, his angry tone may have been a reflection of the stormy weather we were having last night. Hail fell.
Today, I was speaking with someone. Behind that person and to my right, stood a figure leaning on a single crutch. His head covered with a bloody bandage. His clothing worn. My eyes moved from the person I was speaking with to the figure. The wounded man disappeared immediately. My eyes fell to the hand of my coworker. A clear bandage, of the type used to hold an IV, was on the back of his hand. I could see the texture of the bandage quite clearly. I looked at the person's face and back to the hand. The bandage was gone.
I hesitate to give this any meaning at all. I only report a very clear vision. There was no difference between the astral vision and my waking vision in terms of color or quality.
Monday, December 15, 2008
EXARP
I robed up but did not change my socks. I could not enter the temple this way. It became a moral imperative to change into clean socks.
Tonight, I did all the chanting instead of switching line by line with My Gal. EHNB suggested that to her. I have one comment to that: I like that part! Once I searched deep within for the right rhythm and started rocking like a Hasidic Jew.
"Why did you call me?" His voice was demanding and a bit surly.
"I seek knowledge and wisdom. Complete unity with the divine." That last sentence was visualized rather than said.
"Beware that you do not overreach. First understand your undying soul."
I replied, "Thank you for that rebuke. What you said is true."
"Is what you just said sincere?"
"Yes. While I seek complete unity, you are correct that I should seek first to understand my soul. That is the first step. I may take no other but I will take that step."
"Ask of me what you will." The voice was still gruff and to the point but not as surly.
"What color are you?"
"Do not bother me with such things."
"If I could see you, what would I see?" I asked.
"You can not see me." Pause. I saw moving storm clouds. "You see my effects." Wind. He is analogy was that he is wind.
I do not remember if I asked him his taste or smell but both answers would be the same. He is all the flowers blooming in a wild field at once. I could both taste and smell that.
"Oh, I can be allergic."
"No, you are allergic to all the pollution in the air. That doesn't matter."
"What is your sound?"
I heard wind and then asked for a musical note. I heard a high pitched flute-like sound.
"Where do you manifest in my life?"
"In your thoughts that give birth and your words that erode."
"Do I often speak words that give birth?"
"No," he said, "not often."
"Can you teach me to speak words that create?" From this point on, I listened. I may have a mouth but this was an angel with something on his mind and I was not about to interrupt.
"You act as if erosion is a bad thing. You are not here to bring happiness. You speak what others are afraid to voice. Lo! Acursed is he that does his will for those whose fear he embodies will rebel against him. These thoughts that plague you are your downfall. Love those that hate[d] you. Love those that interfere. You are the magician. You must learn when to speak and when not. When you are in areas in which you wish to succeed, speak little but make your words count. When you are at work, SPEAK." He continued. "You have the right to call the tablet of air in my name. Ask of it what you will. Study it well. Learn it. Command it. Demand answers. Ask quietly [This was asking in a particular tone and mood]. Do not be afraid to command. Do not be afraid to ask. You call the air tablet under my name." This bit about the air tablet was repeated. He spoke as if he was trying to convey something that I was not understanding but only had a limited set of words to use. He repeated, I think hoping I would get a different message. I never did. Towards the end my body was getting tired, not my mind. He said, "You will dream. You WILL DREAM." My head felt just like the deep black void of the skrying mirror.
At some point, he made if very clear that his name is Exarp. The name is not pronounced E-Xar-Pey.
I find it interesting that My Gal perceived him as a bit grumpy as well. She was also not given a form. It appears we received the same fellow. My message was more microcosmic. Her imagery was more macrocosmic. Though, there were some words spoken directly to her. His mood was the same. At the end he also told My Gal to sleep. Me to dream, her to sleep. Sounds close to the same to me.
Overall, I'd rate this a success. This fellow was loud and unmistakable. The shared imagery was a good indicator of success.
This looks short. It did not feel as if this passed in an instant.
Addendum: I forgot to add this originally. Within his long speech he said, "The storm that I am in your mind will clear the debris. Afterwards, there will be peace. Peace. But, Lo, the winds will blow long before the peace comes. Patience."
Tonight, I did all the chanting instead of switching line by line with My Gal. EHNB suggested that to her. I have one comment to that: I like that part! Once I searched deep within for the right rhythm and started rocking like a Hasidic Jew.
"Why did you call me?" His voice was demanding and a bit surly.
"I seek knowledge and wisdom. Complete unity with the divine." That last sentence was visualized rather than said.
"Beware that you do not overreach. First understand your undying soul."
I replied, "Thank you for that rebuke. What you said is true."
"Is what you just said sincere?"
"Yes. While I seek complete unity, you are correct that I should seek first to understand my soul. That is the first step. I may take no other but I will take that step."
"Ask of me what you will." The voice was still gruff and to the point but not as surly.
"What color are you?"
"Do not bother me with such things."
"If I could see you, what would I see?" I asked.
"You can not see me." Pause. I saw moving storm clouds. "You see my effects." Wind. He is analogy was that he is wind.
I do not remember if I asked him his taste or smell but both answers would be the same. He is all the flowers blooming in a wild field at once. I could both taste and smell that.
"Oh, I can be allergic."
"No, you are allergic to all the pollution in the air. That doesn't matter."
"What is your sound?"
I heard wind and then asked for a musical note. I heard a high pitched flute-like sound.
"Where do you manifest in my life?"
"In your thoughts that give birth and your words that erode."
"Do I often speak words that give birth?"
"No," he said, "not often."
"Can you teach me to speak words that create?" From this point on, I listened. I may have a mouth but this was an angel with something on his mind and I was not about to interrupt.
"You act as if erosion is a bad thing. You are not here to bring happiness. You speak what others are afraid to voice. Lo! Acursed is he that does his will for those whose fear he embodies will rebel against him. These thoughts that plague you are your downfall. Love those that hate[d] you. Love those that interfere. You are the magician. You must learn when to speak and when not. When you are in areas in which you wish to succeed, speak little but make your words count. When you are at work, SPEAK." He continued. "You have the right to call the tablet of air in my name. Ask of it what you will. Study it well. Learn it. Command it. Demand answers. Ask quietly [This was asking in a particular tone and mood]. Do not be afraid to command. Do not be afraid to ask. You call the air tablet under my name." This bit about the air tablet was repeated. He spoke as if he was trying to convey something that I was not understanding but only had a limited set of words to use. He repeated, I think hoping I would get a different message. I never did. Towards the end my body was getting tired, not my mind. He said, "You will dream. You WILL DREAM." My head felt just like the deep black void of the skrying mirror.
At some point, he made if very clear that his name is Exarp. The name is not pronounced E-Xar-Pey.
I find it interesting that My Gal perceived him as a bit grumpy as well. She was also not given a form. It appears we received the same fellow. My message was more microcosmic. Her imagery was more macrocosmic. Though, there were some words spoken directly to her. His mood was the same. At the end he also told My Gal to sleep. Me to dream, her to sleep. Sounds close to the same to me.
Overall, I'd rate this a success. This fellow was loud and unmistakable. The shared imagery was a good indicator of success.
This looks short. It did not feel as if this passed in an instant.
Addendum: I forgot to add this originally. Within his long speech he said, "The storm that I am in your mind will clear the debris. Afterwards, there will be peace. Peace. But, Lo, the winds will blow long before the peace comes. Patience."
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Enochian Ramifications
The ramifications of working with the Enochian system are making themselves known.
My original plan was to stick with Lon's Enochian Vision Magick. I simply can't. Right now I am reading Practical Angel Magic of Dr John Dee's Enochain Tables by Skinner and Rankine. I have also picked up various other titles off my library shelves. Reference after reference to cleanliness appear such as this one, in the above referenced work. The comment is in regards to the Sworn Book of Honorius, which influenced Dee,
In Dee's efforts to get intellectual satisfaction from the angels, piety and cleanliness were paramount considerations. This grimoire stresses the purity of its intent, and not just in order to preserve its owners from possible ecclesiastical prosecution. In the opening paragraphs it says, "it is not possible that a wicked and unclean man could work truly in this art; for men are not bound unto spirits, but spirits are constrained against their will to answer clean men and fulfill their requests.
A half smart chimp can see that clean has a spiritual meaning here. That being said, other references actually refer to being physically clean. Due to unusual ambition on both our parts, My Gal and I are keeping a much cleaner home.
Lastly, I have written an article on prayer that I plan to submit for publication. While I have always wanted to be a published author, I have never submitted anything besides a few badly written poems from my youth.
Watching this process will be entertaining. I am wondering if these symptoms of contact will continue.
My original plan was to stick with Lon's Enochian Vision Magick. I simply can't. Right now I am reading Practical Angel Magic of Dr John Dee's Enochain Tables by Skinner and Rankine. I have also picked up various other titles off my library shelves. Reference after reference to cleanliness appear such as this one, in the above referenced work. The comment is in regards to the Sworn Book of Honorius, which influenced Dee,
In Dee's efforts to get intellectual satisfaction from the angels, piety and cleanliness were paramount considerations. This grimoire stresses the purity of its intent, and not just in order to preserve its owners from possible ecclesiastical prosecution. In the opening paragraphs it says, "it is not possible that a wicked and unclean man could work truly in this art; for men are not bound unto spirits, but spirits are constrained against their will to answer clean men and fulfill their requests.
A half smart chimp can see that clean has a spiritual meaning here. That being said, other references actually refer to being physically clean. Due to unusual ambition on both our parts, My Gal and I are keeping a much cleaner home.
Lastly, I have written an article on prayer that I plan to submit for publication. While I have always wanted to be a published author, I have never submitted anything besides a few badly written poems from my youth.
Watching this process will be entertaining. I am wondering if these symptoms of contact will continue.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The Angel EHNB
We had a list minute change of plans. We were originally going to skry the king from the Enochian Table of Fire. This morning, I had a thought that changed my mind and My Gal agreed.The thought was that hierarchies are consistent theme in Lon's writings. The methodology to call the lowest of the angels is this: Three fold name of God; The King; The Seniors; the names of God of the quadrant; the subservient angel. As anyone knows, starting with the bottom of a bureaucracy will get you places if you only want to do the smallest of routine things. If you start in the middle, you may or may not get the help you need. However, if you start at the top, things really get moving.
Therefore, we started with ENHB, the primary angel of the tablet of union.
At first, I saw nothing. I came to accept the failure of the exercise and prepared myself to wait patiently for My Gal to finish. My thought was something like, "I didn't make contact." I heard an immediately reply, "Oh, yes you did. Sit up straight and listen."
I was about to write this in general bullet points but then I remembered the admonishing received at some point to write down everything as much will be revealed. I will not understand it all at first.
"You began in the correct place. Work the rest of the tablet [of Union] horizontally, then vertically."
"Why horizontally, if the vertical is of spirit?"
"This is your initiation. This work will be more all encompassing than your work with the GD." I felt fear. "It is is good that you fear. That means you are not stupid but you must get over it." I found myself on the bottom rung of a ladder. Part of my stayed and part of my scrambled up. "That part is your monkey," he said of the part racing up. The bottom rung is made of the entire tablet of union. As I climb up, I will be able to contact the lower angels of the tablet. My mind noticed the inverse pattern and he said, "Paradoxical, isn't it?"
Note: This is twice that patience was emphasized. The first time was the acceptance of not being successful. The second time was revealed by part of my staying on the first rung of the ladder. My Gal received an auditory speech on patience.
Eventually, I asked, why can I not see you? He said that I had not "yet" that skill but I was a good listener. I asked, "If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"White." I saw a humanoid figure in white with brown trim on the robes. I quickly realized this was gold trim and that the color matched the gold trim on the table.
I noticed the figure was holding a cup. "Why are holding a cup?"
"Because that," he said, "is how you perceive spirit."
He then made a gesture that I will not reveal. I asked of the gestures meaning. He did explain. The gesture had something to do with my path and how I should pray. This also, I can not share.
"If I could smell you, what would be your scent?"
"Roses"
"Any particular type of rose?"
"All of them. It doesn't matter."
"If I could taste you, what would be your taste."
"Acidic. Have you ever tasted a rose?"
I hadn't but I figured that was a rhetorical question.
"If I could hear you, what would I hear?" I heard a note. I didn't sound unpleasant but it didn't sound like a choir of angels either. Not being musical, I am not sure what this would ever do for me.
"Should where a particular color for the other angels?"
"No, your temple is excellent. Don't change colors."
"What scent should we burn for you?"
Silence.
"Oh, you told me your scent was rose."
"Yes."
"Should we burn it?"
"Any form will do. A flower. Oil to anoint. Burning. "
I asked, "And for the others."
"Frankincense will do."
At some point, I could see the angel touching the back of my head and actually inserting fingers into it.
"I said that image can not be right. I must be getting tired."
"Yes," He said.
(Tablet of Union picture from: here)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Neat Freak!
No one warned me. So, I will warn you.If you are thinking about working Enochian, be prepared to channel your inner maid. I am not a clean freak. I am borderline disorganized. My home has a 'lived in' look and feel. Yesterday, I cleaned a small area around a sink that was barely dirty but driving me nuts. Same for a small smudge on the guest bathroom wall. Then I cleaned one of the toilets.
My back is killing me tonight. I am so bent over that I have become a walking question mark. Yet, I have given the master bathroom sink, counter and mirrors a good cleaning. I've also cleaned out one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Did the dishes and did some light picking up.
The Enochian Angels are loud. I've noticed that when I call certain goddesses in the past they encouraged me to clean. This isn't encouragement. This is compulsion.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Knowledge or Wisdom
From Dictionary.com
–noun
knowl⋅edge
–noun| 1. | acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition: knowledge of many things. |
| 2. | familiarity or conversance, as with a particular subject or branch of learning: A knowledge of accounting was necessary for the job. |
| 3. | acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report: a knowledge of human nature. |
| 4. | the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension. |
| 5. | awareness, as of a fact or circumstance: He had knowledge of her good fortune. |
| 6. | something that is or may be known; information: He sought knowledge of her activities. |
| 7. | the body of truths or facts accumulated in the course of time. |
| 8. | the sum of what is known: Knowledge of the true situation is limited. |
wis⋅dom
–noun
| 1. | the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight. |
| 2. | scholarly knowledge or learning: the wisdom of the schools. |
| 3. | wise sayings or teachings; precepts. |
| 4. | a wise act or saying. |
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Brief Enochian Meditation
I could not resist sitting in the temple and meditating before the table. I asked what I could do to align myself with the table. "Cleanliness. Come in clean clothes."
I've received a lot of messages about cleanliness since the tools have been completed and notice every unclean surface in my house. I asked what else I can do. Apparently, I can be more observant. I was then showed an hour glass. It was large and hovered over the table. I looked closely and noticed the sand moving very slowly. There is plenty of time. The sand timer descended into the whirl created by the SDA. This is how things manifest.
"Anything you drop into that, will manifest."
Wisdom! I seek wisdom.
"Not so fast"
Who would not want wisdom?
"It comes with obligations."
Some would seek power.
'Power comes with obligations too. You have succeeded to this point in your work because you understand your obligations but you've never had the tools to meet them. This will give you those tools. But the obligations are hard. You may not want them. Your arrogance is that you expect other people to meet their obligations."
Some would seek women.
"Yes and too create an obligation but they are thinking [with their pants]"
Who am I talking to?
I saw the names El, Elemese and one other angel.
But I didn't call you?
"You've just finished skrying. This is your temple. You've dedicated it for years."
May I look into the mirror? Receiving an affirmative, I did so to find nothing.
"You will not see until you do the rites and call. Go now before you break your obligation [to My Gal]."
The mirror was hypnotic and it is was difficult to pull away.
I've received a lot of messages about cleanliness since the tools have been completed and notice every unclean surface in my house. I asked what else I can do. Apparently, I can be more observant. I was then showed an hour glass. It was large and hovered over the table. I looked closely and noticed the sand moving very slowly. There is plenty of time. The sand timer descended into the whirl created by the SDA. This is how things manifest.
"Anything you drop into that, will manifest."
Wisdom! I seek wisdom.
"Not so fast"
Who would not want wisdom?
"It comes with obligations."
Some would seek power.
'Power comes with obligations too. You have succeeded to this point in your work because you understand your obligations but you've never had the tools to meet them. This will give you those tools. But the obligations are hard. You may not want them. Your arrogance is that you expect other people to meet their obligations."
Some would seek women.
"Yes and too create an obligation but they are thinking [with their pants]"
Who am I talking to?
I saw the names El, Elemese and one other angel.
But I didn't call you?
"You've just finished skrying. This is your temple. You've dedicated it for years."
May I look into the mirror? Receiving an affirmative, I did so to find nothing.
"You will not see until you do the rites and call. Go now before you break your obligation [to My Gal]."
The mirror was hypnotic and it is was difficult to pull away.
Skrying Air of Water
I am dying to use the Enochian stuff but My Gal is in school tonight. Instead, I skried another another tattwas.
I immediately felt buoyant. I felt myself moving even though I was aware of my physical body staying still. I vibrated the elemental god names just to keep from moving around so much. I asked of the wisdom of this place. The answer was the wisdom is communicating well emotionally. If you don't communicate emotionally, you sit in the well of inertia. However, we you can express yourself and your needs properly, others can meet them. Just as importantly, I can understand what those needs are myself. Air of Water is also about paying attention to non-verbal communication as well. Though, I will have to make an effort to pick things up.
I asked if this was an important sub-element for me. The answer was they are all important but perhaps I have a bit more to learn here than some others.
I can honestly say that I've been much more in tune with non-verbal communication after the fire of water anyway. Though, some revelations came a day or two after that work
I immediately felt buoyant. I felt myself moving even though I was aware of my physical body staying still. I vibrated the elemental god names just to keep from moving around so much. I asked of the wisdom of this place. The answer was the wisdom is communicating well emotionally. If you don't communicate emotionally, you sit in the well of inertia. However, we you can express yourself and your needs properly, others can meet them. Just as importantly, I can understand what those needs are myself. Air of Water is also about paying attention to non-verbal communication as well. Though, I will have to make an effort to pick things up.
I asked if this was an important sub-element for me. The answer was they are all important but perhaps I have a bit more to learn here than some others.
I can honestly say that I've been much more in tune with non-verbal communication after the fire of water anyway. Though, some revelations came a day or two after that work
Monday, December 8, 2008
Complete Temple!
Hopefully you're not too bored with all the pictures. If you are, the good news is that I can't imagine more any time soon.
The Holy Table (minus the SDA). You've seen that before.
The nifty silk cover with tassels
With the skrying mirror
And lastly, because I know this would be so hard to visualize without one more picture, the table with skrying mirror and the Tablet of Navalge. I have no idea where that tablet is going when we actually work.
The Holy Table (minus the SDA). You've seen that before.
The nifty silk cover with tassels
And lastly, because I know this would be so hard to visualize without one more picture, the table with skrying mirror and the Tablet of Navalge. I have no idea where that tablet is going when we actually work.
Turning off the Lights
If I disappear for a day or two, that would be because I am trying to replace this old monitor. Quite suddenly, it is on its last diodes.
Temple Set-up
My Gal finished the last of the joint projects last night. Well, the last two were 100% her. These included the red silk table covering and the red cotton floor covering. Technically, the floor covering should be red silk too but that is too pricey. As soon as those were finished, the temple was set-up and I went to bed.
As I was falling asleep I had a vision, which came and went in an instant. I saw a beautiful columned temple space with our table in the center. I am pretty sure it was open air but I could be wrong. The vision flicked off and on as if I child was playing with a light switch.
Last night I dreamed of being at work. One of my coworkers, whose last name sounds like a single English letter G was sitting at a table. (Could this be a reflection of the Masonic G?) I was at the other end of the room. I had a typed list of names of the small beings I was about to work with. Bobo being the only one I can remember. I had the impression of many very friendly small creatures but I never actually saw one in an identifiable form. My emotions were like those of a man suddenly surrounded by very friendly Lilliputians or Keebler elves.
All that aside, the visual was more telling. The creatures were lined up as small dots on the floor like points on of grid paper. The floor had hundreds of squares made of a single dot in each corner. The look was a two-dimensional version of the pattern I saw skrying the tattwas of Akasha (spirit)
As I was falling asleep I had a vision, which came and went in an instant. I saw a beautiful columned temple space with our table in the center. I am pretty sure it was open air but I could be wrong. The vision flicked off and on as if I child was playing with a light switch.
Last night I dreamed of being at work. One of my coworkers, whose last name sounds like a single English letter G was sitting at a table. (Could this be a reflection of the Masonic G?) I was at the other end of the room. I had a typed list of names of the small beings I was about to work with. Bobo being the only one I can remember. I had the impression of many very friendly small creatures but I never actually saw one in an identifiable form. My emotions were like those of a man suddenly surrounded by very friendly Lilliputians or Keebler elves.
All that aside, the visual was more telling. The creatures were lined up as small dots on the floor like points on of grid paper. The floor had hundreds of squares made of a single dot in each corner. The look was a two-dimensional version of the pattern I saw skrying the tattwas of Akasha (spirit)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Enochian Plan for the Tablets
My Gal and I have talked. Our plan for the tablet is to call the kings of each tablet, experience them and then move on to work with the six seniors of one tablet, then the next and so on. Among other things, we'll ask each King to tell us the order of tablets. Once we get all their answers, my HGA and her hamster, we'll make a decision as to how to proceed.
So far I am very impressed with how 'loud' the angels are and we haven't even worked them yet. We've just completed the tools. If this was the Lesser Key, I'd be concerned about interference and obsession being real possibilities. At this point, I am just noting things as a reminder to myself to stick to a balanced perspective.
One of the hazards of too much angel work is judgmental rigidity. I am a Leo. I live within this trap. I have to be aware of such a potential pitfall.
Enochian Lights
We set up the table, Sigillum and other tools of the Holy table in my temple room last night even though the work on the red silk and red floor covering had not been completed. Those objects were there but incomplete. A bit later, I wanted to walk into the room and see if I could feel anything different. I felt a restraining hand, in the form of a thought. An hour or so later, I heard or felt permission to enter. I hastily rose from the couch only to be told that I had to pee first. I think this was simply to remove the distraction of a full bladder. I was then told to wash my hands thoroughly. I also noticed things that were not clean and was told that my home was a bit dirty for the angels.
Note: My house isn't a disaster but it isn't spotless.
I entered the the temple and was immediately impacted by the energy change. My emotions were those of reverence. I soon noticed flashes of light. Pinpricks of light that reminded me of stars. They'd flash on and off in an instant. Fifteen to twenty seconds later, another would flash.
I reported this to My Gal and asked her to take a look. She didn't feel the reverence but said she saw spheres.
After some time, I reentered the space. Again, I saw the flashing lights. This time, instead of focusing on the lights, I took a wider view. Sure enough, I could see spheres around the light. They weren't bright but definitely discernible.
It should be noted that these images were perceived as visible light. They were not seen in my mind's eye.
Note: My house isn't a disaster but it isn't spotless.
I entered the the temple and was immediately impacted by the energy change. My emotions were those of reverence. I soon noticed flashes of light. Pinpricks of light that reminded me of stars. They'd flash on and off in an instant. Fifteen to twenty seconds later, another would flash.
I reported this to My Gal and asked her to take a look. She didn't feel the reverence but said she saw spheres.
After some time, I reentered the space. Again, I saw the flashing lights. This time, instead of focusing on the lights, I took a wider view. Sure enough, I could see spheres around the light. They weren't bright but definitely discernible.
It should be noted that these images were perceived as visible light. They were not seen in my mind's eye.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
More Populus
I am recording the fact that I keep seeing reflections of my post on Populus in news articles. I am not sure if that means I 'got the point' and therefor I see reflections or if the universe is telling me I missed it.
This is from a CCN article, They Killed Their Neighbors.
"Perpetrators don't want to be seen as weak, and in a mob mentality, individual guilt seems to disappear.
This is from a CCN article, They Killed Their Neighbors.
"Perpetrators don't want to be seen as weak, and in a mob mentality, individual guilt seems to disappear.
"People will do almost anything in a group and will do anything not to be rejected," said psychologist Philip Zimbardo, a professor emeritus at Stanford and famous for his 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment, which divided student volunteers into "prisoners" and "guards" and showed how easily people could be induced to commit sadistic acts.
"They give up a sense of personal accountability and diffuse responsibility to the leader."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Dualing Blogs!
Jason Miller wrote about my post on his blog here and here. When people comment on my blog I am sometimes reminded of what a poor communicator I can be when I dash something off. I love Jason's blog because, for the most part, he doesn't do that. If I were the type to steal talent, I'd steal Jason's and Witchdoctorjoe's writing abilities.
That being said, I did not mean to say that I was spending too much time on thaumaturgy, i.e. practical magick that attempts to change the mundane world. I meant to say that I spent too much time seeing magickal abilities as a validation of spiritual growth. While no part of my conscious self believes that the ability to astral project makes me a better person or is a sign that I have achieved spiritually, I think part of my 'lower nature' does. I think that lessens who I am in my own mind, which is, pardon the French, bull pucky.
Changes in attitude, daily thought patterns and deeds are a much better measure of spiritual growth and attainment.
My conscious goal has always been growing spiritually. Probably very early, I equated magickal talent with spiritual achievement. I fully agree with Jason that are some powerful people whose goal, as far as I can tell, is not what I'd label spiritual. They may label it that way. There is no way for me to know.
What I seek is spiritual unity, understanding and wisdom or at least that is what I tell myself. My HGA told me that I'm looking for companionship in the after life. That sounds like a Christian fear to me. Maybe that is why I have so little patience for those that believe in that god more to avoid punishment than actual devotion, as well as those who claim that they have no choice but to obey their pagan gods. Consciously, that sounds like passivity to the point of slavery to me. But maybe, it means they are living in a way to appease their fears and I am living in denial of my own. Frankly, I am not sure which is worse but they are both decidedly human methods of coping with terror.
(Cowardly Lion "Put 'em up" Image from: http://www.npr.org/blogs/bryantpark/lconvert.JPG)
Fire of Water
Tonight, I skried fire of water.
Darkness. I mean nothing. I hate that. Eventually, I saw men working hard but the predominant part of that was sweat. Fire of Water is sweat. The emotions that drive my Work is fire of water. I asked for wisdom of this place. I stayed where I was, a long ways from the working men. I heard that I can direct my fire of water towards aspiration and a god. I asked, which god shall I follow? I was directed toward my HGA. Which is good because no other answer would I have believed to be any more than a spirit trying to get my attention.
I called his name and he appeared. I had a strong visual with our sign to boot. He said that I am more Christian that I know but gave no indication that I should follow Christ. He said I am not looking for a father figure but a mother. He also said that not following a god/dess is not my problem. My problem is that I hate making choices. This is what makes me a fixed sign.
There was more but I can't remember.
Oh, in this working I did the Greater Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram (water).
Darkness. I mean nothing. I hate that. Eventually, I saw men working hard but the predominant part of that was sweat. Fire of Water is sweat. The emotions that drive my Work is fire of water. I asked for wisdom of this place. I stayed where I was, a long ways from the working men. I heard that I can direct my fire of water towards aspiration and a god. I asked, which god shall I follow? I was directed toward my HGA. Which is good because no other answer would I have believed to be any more than a spirit trying to get my attention.
I called his name and he appeared. I had a strong visual with our sign to boot. He said that I am more Christian that I know but gave no indication that I should follow Christ. He said I am not looking for a father figure but a mother. He also said that not following a god/dess is not my problem. My problem is that I hate making choices. This is what makes me a fixed sign.
There was more but I can't remember.
Oh, in this working I did the Greater Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram (water).
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Has Percival Made a Come Back?
It has occurred to me tonight that I may be pursuing the wrong thing. A friend used to call me Percival because I always asked the wrong questions. I've been seeking magickal skills more than wisdom, effect more than purpose and knowledge over understanding.
I am a man without religion seeking the ultimate god, the ultimate unity. Perhaps, the above traps, siddhis, I think the Buddhists call them, have been a distraction. Perhaps, they are not markers of spirituality at all.
Do these thoughts come from an odd skrying on a void of course night or Terry Pratchett's books? Does their origin matter at all? What matters is, are these thoughts correct?
I am a man without religion seeking the ultimate god, the ultimate unity. Perhaps, the above traps, siddhis, I think the Buddhists call them, have been a distraction. Perhaps, they are not markers of spirituality at all.
Do these thoughts come from an odd skrying on a void of course night or Terry Pratchett's books? Does their origin matter at all? What matters is, are these thoughts correct?
Scrying Attempt
When I entered my temple room it felt dead. Dead dead. I did my exercise anyway. The visions were chaotic and nonsensical. I left. I skried during the void course of the moon. Silly me.
On the upside, I recalled two nights of dreaming.
The night before last, I was an observer. I saw a yellow rocket made of the same material as a bounce house. I was amazed that the thing took off, exited the earth's atmosphere and splashed down safely. Moments later, though I think it was the next day, the rocket did so again. Only this time the pilot, possibly another aspect of myself, put the nose down hard on re-entry. The cabin filled with water except for a little bit at the top. Three of us where having a hard time breathing. From the outside I washed it splash down hard. All were safe.
Last night, I dreamed I was in Russia. I was in a room with a very nice man who was just following Putin's orders to hand cuff me. Even apologized for messing up the collar of my shirt. Putin began pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. I asked if that is what it was. He said yes. I said, "I will be careful not to get any in my eyes." He immediately started squirting it at my right eye. Cleverly, I shut my eyes and none of the alcohol touched my eye ball. I could tell he was going to continue until he succeeded. So, I said ouch and flinched away. He stopped.
More watery image in the first dream. I have LOT of that. I may have to start skrying the water tattwas and ask why and what I need to learn. Emotional issues are my weak point, I know that.
On the upside, I recalled two nights of dreaming.
The night before last, I was an observer. I saw a yellow rocket made of the same material as a bounce house. I was amazed that the thing took off, exited the earth's atmosphere and splashed down safely. Moments later, though I think it was the next day, the rocket did so again. Only this time the pilot, possibly another aspect of myself, put the nose down hard on re-entry. The cabin filled with water except for a little bit at the top. Three of us where having a hard time breathing. From the outside I washed it splash down hard. All were safe.
Last night, I dreamed I was in Russia. I was in a room with a very nice man who was just following Putin's orders to hand cuff me. Even apologized for messing up the collar of my shirt. Putin began pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. I asked if that is what it was. He said yes. I said, "I will be careful not to get any in my eyes." He immediately started squirting it at my right eye. Cleverly, I shut my eyes and none of the alcohol touched my eye ball. I could tell he was going to continue until he succeeded. So, I said ouch and flinched away. He stopped.
More watery image in the first dream. I have LOT of that. I may have to start skrying the water tattwas and ask why and what I need to learn. Emotional issues are my weak point, I know that.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Breaking the Rules
I don't do loose magick. By loose magick, I mean doing things on a whim or participating in a public circle to do something (any excuse for a public ritual seems to be o.k.) that I do not fully understand. I think about my magick. I make sure it is something I really want. Then, I execute.
I don't 'help' other people much. Helping is often simply giving energy to the positive end of the wheel. Wheels turn. From a certain cynical point of view, this can be seen as a pointless exercise.
I don't do a lot of healings. I used to be a pretty good human aspirin. If you didn't want some over the counter medication, I was your man. After some traumatic events, I stopped doing such things -- my confidence gone.
Today, I learned a work friend's husband had been in a serious auto accident over the weekend. He'll live but I was told it was 'bad' and foot surgery was in the offing. Given that my father lost his foot, I may have some extra sympathy on this one. I offered her my support and asked her if she minded if I prayed or did some weird religious ritual. She said she fully supported weird religious rituals but did so in a joking sort of way. Did I mention that I don't usually do things without direct permission from the target?
I started out an energy model kind of guy. Though, I now think spirits are usually more effective. Well, here's to revisiting the past.
I normally have some sort of link when I effect others. I don't even know this fellow's name. I'm sure I've heard it at some point but I have no recollection.
Tonight, I did something simple. I did an LBRP, BRH and Middle Pillar x 4. Only this time, the spheres were created over a pinch of frankincense with prayers for her husband's healing.
I broke a lot of my rules tonight but one, acting in love for those one does not know. He will never know what transpired tonight.
I don't 'help' other people much. Helping is often simply giving energy to the positive end of the wheel. Wheels turn. From a certain cynical point of view, this can be seen as a pointless exercise.
I don't do a lot of healings. I used to be a pretty good human aspirin. If you didn't want some over the counter medication, I was your man. After some traumatic events, I stopped doing such things -- my confidence gone.
Today, I learned a work friend's husband had been in a serious auto accident over the weekend. He'll live but I was told it was 'bad' and foot surgery was in the offing. Given that my father lost his foot, I may have some extra sympathy on this one. I offered her my support and asked her if she minded if I prayed or did some weird religious ritual. She said she fully supported weird religious rituals but did so in a joking sort of way. Did I mention that I don't usually do things without direct permission from the target?
I started out an energy model kind of guy. Though, I now think spirits are usually more effective. Well, here's to revisiting the past.
I normally have some sort of link when I effect others. I don't even know this fellow's name. I'm sure I've heard it at some point but I have no recollection.
Tonight, I did something simple. I did an LBRP, BRH and Middle Pillar x 4. Only this time, the spheres were created over a pinch of frankincense with prayers for her husband's healing.
I broke a lot of my rules tonight but one, acting in love for those one does not know. He will never know what transpired tonight.
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